This has been my position for the past week. Feet on the table, tree lit, Netflix on, candy untouched — that’s how you KNOW I’m sick.
Last week my throat started hurting. I thought it was the beginning of a cold. I took a day off thinking it would go away. But that night I was nauseous and the next day I felt like I got hit by a truck. I was exhausted, achy and cold. The only good things I can say about being sick are:
a. It’s good for weight loss.
b. No cooking is involved so your kitchen stays clean.
c. You develop a new love for the most bland food possible.
d. You totally get caught up on every episode of Law And Order SVU Season 18.
e. You get to thoroughly enjoy your Christmas decorations.
f. You have an excellent excuse for not going to the gym.
g. Your horizons are open to a new line of work doing phone porn.
Who knew a microwaved red potato with butter could be so satisfying?
For the past five days I’ve eaten only white food. Microwaved potatoes with butter, cream of wheat, apples, eggs, leftover ramen noodles — you get the idea. So my stomach feels better, but now I sound like Harvey Fierstein when I talk and when I laugh I sound like Muttley the cartoon dog. (Go ahead, click on that link and you’ll hear what I sound like.) It’s a three pack a day sound, so, I’m off to the doctor tomorrow.
But you know what? Instead of leaping right into the New Year like I usually do, all hyped up and ready to set the world on fire, I am slowly easing into it and it’s been kind of nice. I’ve been reading that book I got for Christmas, Almost Everything, By Anne Lamott. There was a sentence in it that I loved. I’m paraphrasing but I think it said something like, “Everything works better if you unplug it for a while — even people.”
So, after all my elf-like madness in December, it’s been nice to take it easy. I usually only have two speeds, supersonic or asleep. But this third option is kind of a nice way to move slowly but purposefully into 2019. I wasn’t ready to take down the Christmas decorations anyway.
Happy New Year!