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Random Thoughts

It’s Come to This…

August 19, 2023

Today, I sanded and painted like a madwoman. I have been doing this for months now because I moved into a condo that needed some work. I’ve painted five hardwood doors, first sanding them thoroughly, then putting four coats of paint on each side. That meant I also had to sand and paint each door frame. I just finished painting my living room and have now painted every room upstairs except for my bathroom, which is beyond hope in pale pink with a shell shaped sink and gold faucets. I’ve also painted every room downstairs. If I could reach the high stairwells, I’d paint them too, but death seems like a pretty high price to pay for a fresh look at home.

So, when I take a break, I really look forward to it – almost scarily so. Which is why the other night I bought myself some Dove Mini Bars. They’re bite-sized round bars with really great Dove dark chocolate coating on the outside. If you took a hot dog and cut it in three, that’s about the size of one.

I try not to eat too many, but painting is a pain so I like to treat myself after a job well done. As I was driving home, I couldn’t wait to dive into my Dove Mini’s and grabbed one in the car. Usually the box has an equal number of chocolate and vanilla ice cream filled bars. I bit into my first, and it was vanilla. A minor disappointment because I have no problem eating either, but I LOVE the chocolate filled ones.

There they are in their vanilla glory. Note screwdriver for opening paint cans.

I knew there were others waiting in the box, so I had another one. (At 60 calories a bar, I figured I could eat three and not feel too much guilt.) Another disappointing vanilla. I thought, OK the next one HAS to be chocolate, so I dove into yet another and came up disappointed again. I put them away and decided that the next time I open the box, it will be chocolate heaven.

So, today, after finishing painting my living room and hallway, I stuck my hand in the box, knowing that my chocolate dreams would finally come true…only to be foiled again. What the hell?

I know, that in the wide scope of life with global warming, nuclear annihilation, tornadoes, deadly wildfires, etc, this is nothing to be up in arms about…but I was ticked. I then opened every stinking package of Dove mini’s in the box (you can see the telltale vanilla peeking out from under the chocolate coating) to discover there was only ONE CHOCOLATE, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

And this is the embarrassing part. I actually called the company and complained…hey, the number was right there on the box! A very nice, calm young man named Jad answered the phone. I told him I acknowledge that in the wide scope of life the concern I was about to tell him about is not important, but that it was a bit of a disappointment.

People in that line of work are always really good at apologizing and trying not to make you feel petty for calling about the number of chocolate bars in a box of ice cream confections, but I still felt ridiculous realizing that if I was still working full-time I wouldn’t have time for such frivolity.

Jad asked my name, email, phone number and address, which he said he needed (not for Dove management retribution) but so he could mail me a coupon for a free box of Dove Minis. He also got the box number and the SKU number just in case other people call ranting about how they got cheated out of their alotted number of chocolate treats.

Jad kindly said it’s good when customers let them know about things like this because they need it for quality control. It was like a verbal pat, pat on my arm to calm me, like they do to people they’re trying to talk off a ledge. I offered him my suggestion of labeling the plastic holding the treat, chocolate or vanilla so you know just by looking at the wrapper, or better yet, making a box of just chocolate ones for crazy people like me. He said he wrote it all down.

Is this the beginning? Will I start counting the number of sheets in toilet paper because I want to be sure that 6 really does equal 12? Will I call and complain about sugar because it’s four pounds and not five anymore? Or will I just settle down, go get a hot fudge sundae and forget the whole damned thing?

Yeah, that sounds good. And I think I may have to stop painting.

  • Reply
    August 29, 2023 at 11:26 am

    There is a reason we became fast friends: I spent an hour on the phone yesterday with Wayfair and FedEx. I received three emails announcing various packages from three separate vendors had arrived—but there were no packages. Wayfair said, “We have a picture of your package on your front porch with two smaller packages on top, one reading TileBar.” (A piece of furniture—kind of hard to miss.) And then she added, “Your house is gray with two white rocking chairs on the porch, right?” Nope. Green with two brown chairs on the porch. FedEx also had a picture of the same wrong porch. Everything was delivered to the mystery house at 2pm. It was about 6:30pm when I saw my emails and checked my porch. I drove around the neighborhood doing my best sleuthing, but found no packages at gray homes with white rocking chairs. Finally, about 7:30 pm, a neighbor THREE houses down the street brought over the two smaller boxes and said she would have her son-in-law bring the large furniture box down when he got off work. What has happened to quality control when you don’t get an equal number of chocolate and vanilla treats and the delivery person can’t decipher the clearly marked house numbers in the middle of a clear afternoon? The only saving grace is I also had the loveliest customer service people at both Wayfair and FedEx. Shout out to Tiffany and Ervin.

  • Reply
    Bruce Barker
    August 25, 2023 at 12:19 pm

    For those of us too timid (or apathetic) to complain, if Fran doesn’t continue to be our standard-bearer of righteous indignity, we’re forever lost.

  • Reply
    Chas Madonio
    August 21, 2023 at 12:17 pm

    Oppressed workers everywhere! Rise up! Demand your chocolate Dove Bars! Don’t let them cheat you! Get off my lawn!!

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 22, 2023 at 10:27 pm

      Thank you Chas, I need all the support I can get!!! (I worry I’m becoming like the Otto character in A Man Called Otto.)

  • Reply
    Bernie Tunno
    August 19, 2023 at 10:36 pm

    I once got a box of Dots with no green ones in it and I felt cheated also!

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 20, 2023 at 9:57 pm

      It’s good to know I’m not alone. If this tragedy happens in the future, here’s the info for Dots: Scan or call for more food information 800-877-7655. Please address comments and questions to: Consumer Relations Department 87000 Tootsie Roll Industries, LLC 7401 South Cicero Avenue Chicago, IL 60629.

  • Reply
    George A. Maupin
    August 19, 2023 at 6:01 pm

    I know this sounds a bit strange, but I am curious. . . . How would your mother have reacted to this blog, if she had read it the day you posted it?

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 19, 2023 at 6:10 pm

      I think she would have thought it was ridiculous, and would have laughed, but finding none of her favorite flavor would have ticked her off too. And she was no one to be trifled with!

  • Reply
    August 19, 2023 at 2:18 pm

    My goodness , Fran, that is a lot of painting ! You are a woman with many talents and energy, so glad you are about done. You deserve everyone of those Dove candies, dark chocolate is the best !! I am right there with you 😊 Thanks for standing up for us and making that phone call❤️

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 19, 2023 at 6:08 pm

      Thanks JoAnn, it’s a tough job but someone (with the time) has to do it. I’m glad it’s me!

  • Reply
    August 19, 2023 at 11:49 am

    Thanks for making us all feel a little more sane in this crazy world and for the laugh. I’m glad your condo is providing you with hours of exercise. I hope you have a nice tub in that pink bathroom to have an epsom salts soak with those free chocolate Dove minis.

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 19, 2023 at 6:06 pm

      I think that is exactly my plan tonight!

  • Reply
    Emil Mitchell
    August 19, 2023 at 10:56 am

    Cool! 🙂

  • Reply
    Karen Zigler
    August 19, 2023 at 6:15 am

    A disappointment is a disappointment no matter what. You may have made a difference and only time will tell. Give it another week and do the right thing. Try another box!

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 19, 2023 at 6:06 pm

      You’re right, I owe it to the general public to buy another box and try again!

  • Reply
    Marianne Gazzilli
    August 19, 2023 at 12:37 am

    Thank you for the laugh!! I loved this!!

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 19, 2023 at 6:05 pm

      Thanks Marianne for always being a faithful reader…and laugher! xo. Stay safe in the rain!

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