Small Moments

Today I was going through old blogs I never posted and found one about an evening in 2012 I still remember clearly. It was an ordinary evening, but it stuck in my mind because every so often, those are the best evenings. Here’s what I wrote:

You know, sometimes we sit around the table and talk; lingering because we’ve eaten too much and can only be moved by forklift. But tonight, we sat huddled together on the tan carpet in my apartment bedroom/office and talked.  I’m not sure how we got there. I was probably in the middle of sorting out piles of papers on the floor.  My twenty-one-year-old son walked in with a friend, and the two of them, my daughter and I just ended up on the floor, hanging out for a while easily chatting.

We talked about end of college nerves, and fears my son’s friend said he wouldn’t want to admit to his mom. We talked about college application nerves, about not knowing what life will bring nerves. I thought how funny, they’re worried about what life will bring and so am I, since I have no clue where I’ll be, even a year from now. Divorce and long term unemployment/self-employment will do that to you.

I didn’t even think about the fact that my room was a disorganized mess; that’s one of the perks of being with college age kids…they don’t see messes. I also didn’t worry about not finishing every task I set out to do that day because I was doing something much more important. 

All my life I’ve alternated between thinking I never do enough and just trying to enjoy the moment. I think of those more successful than me. My excuse was always that many of them don’t have kids, or have partners to lean on, so they can devote all their time to their business. Truth is many are just more focused and more disciplined than I am.

It was my decision to be a parent, then a single parent. Then life handed me a recession and unemployment, not something I would have chosen…still there are worse things.

Life’s given me my greatest days and some of my worst. Tonight was right up there with the greatest, even though it was just an average night.  It was that comfortable feeling you get sitting around a campfire with your best friends only they happened to be my kids and my favorite of my son’s friends.

I loved listening to them talk, and loved it even more that they opened up and told me how they felt. I love that they felt comfortable enough to do that. And I love that I took the time to notice. 

It’s hard to believe that was fourteen years ago and that now my kids are grown, I’m retired, comfy in Pittsburgh, and finally have my book out there. I say finally because I probably spent more time savoring small moments than being focused on publishing, but in hindsight, I think it all worked out the way it should. 

Sorry I’ve been so bad about getting these blogs out regularly, but I am working on improving that. Thank you for your constant support. As always (and definitely not mandatory) if you enjoy this blog and would like to be a supporter so I can dig myself out of the horrendous debt I’ve put myself in while self-publishing, just click on buymeacoffee.com/FranTunno