I’m Not Dead, Just Moving.


I know there’s a kitchen counter in there somewhere.

Right up there in Dante’s 9 circles of hell should have been moving.

Moving can only be made worse by:

1. Thinking you can save money by renting a truck and moving with a few friends and some guys you heard are pretty good at moving.

2.Your “mover” not showing up, and not even calling, even though you call repeatedly, begging for a response.

3. Moving in a torrential downpour, even though you moved two days earlier because you wisely thought you knew the day the torrential downpour was coming.

4. Moving into a place that “needs some work.”

5. Moving with a 17 year-old who has five, yes five, large boxes of beauty products alone. From what I can tell she uses 7 of these items, yet always needs more.

6. Moving while feeling like your head is being pounded by a 2 x 4 and you’ll vomit at any moment.

7. Moving while in a massive funk which doesn’t allow your brain to function, probably due to the 2 x 4 and the impending vomit.

8. Moving while your cell phone quits working and your cable company isn’t able to get your cable or internet up and running. (Partly because the rather rotund cable guy has fallen through the rotting steps that lead to your new apartment, causing a bit of a time crunch.)

9. Moving while knowing you have a blog you’ve committed to writing and have no internet.

Kitchen 2

I think you can see about one foot of counter space, but that could be me hallucinating.

The only thing that made this move bearable was my friends. They moved me! My dad always said, “Friends are better than money,” and man, was he right. Energetic friends are even better.  My friends, Mandy and Bjorn, who foolishly offered to help (well Mandy did — poor Bjorn just got tossed into the ensuing madness, but kindly dug in and heaved most of my heavy things) while also disconnecting and reconnecting light fixtures. Mandy, an aerobics instructor, ran up and down the stairs while toting containers five times her size. She has a body you would simply die for and is the poster woman for why aerobics is such a good idea.

I am also forever indebted to my daughter’s friend, Dado, who not only helped me carry a 55-inch screen TV through what seemed like buckets of water falling on our heads, but maintained a good humor through it all. He also helped me clean my old apartment (in soaking wet clothes) until it gleamed while I hung over the toilet trying unsuccessfully to throw my guts up. I am also eternally grateful to my daughter’s boyfriend, Reef (that’s how you know I live in California) who gallantly toted all our crap, with a smile and a positive attitude, and my two kids, who had no choice but to help.

Poor Topper, my Corgi, was suspicious from the day we started packing. He got the great end of the deal though, ending up at Mandy’s house, which he probably thinks is the Waldorf Astoria for dogs. As soon as I clear a few more boxes I’ll bring him back. The hard part will be dragging him while his nails desperately cling to Mandy’s/The Waldorf Astoria’s porch.

As for packing, I’ve learned something. You should really start packing six months ahead of time, you still won’t be ready, but you won’t look like the idiot I must have looked like (trying to get work done first) waiting until the last week to pack. In fact, I’d keep a couple of boxes packed at all times, in case you ever get the urge to move. I’ll make you look slightly more prepared.

I wouldn’t have moved if it hadn’t been for the ridiculous amount of money I was able to save. It would be a house payment in any other state. However, in order to get this deal, I am moving into a place that “needs some work.” My brothers are shaking their heads right now, going, “Oh God, here she goes again, what has she done?” But when it’s done, it’ll be cute. I just hope my landlord keeps his promise to keep working on it. I plan to encourage him with baked goods and stern Italian woman looks, which worked well for my mother.


Me, only mostly dead, at the end of the night being escorted to my newly made bed by my son.

I’ll keep you updated as to how this goes and plan to get back to cooking as soon as I make visual contact with the kitchen counter again. If I go at light speed, that could happen today — OK maybe tomorrow. As my dad wisely said at times like this, “We’ll see,” which I think really means, don’t hold your breath.

23 thoughts on “I’m Not Dead, Just Moving.

  1. Your new place will look homey and charming in no time. You and the energetic bunny have lots in common. Did you find the red Pierre Deux fabric for your kitchen?

    • I just hope I am alive to enjoy it. This moving and decorating stuff is not for the faint of heart. I did find the material, but the Pierre Deux was a little too pricey for me and possibly, if it’s even possible, a little too much red for even my kitchen.

  2. I’m pretty sure we moved the same weekend. Anthony and I have our own place now =) Little bits at at time but say good bye to doing anything fun for a while is what i’ve decided is my future. I agree, 6 months would not be enough!!

  3. If I lived close, I would have helped in a heartbeat Fran. Well at least I would have sent Kim and Grant then met you all afterwards with a great bottle of wine for us and a case of beer for the men (you know we wouldn’t share our wine with them!).

  4. Oh, dear Fran… moving is indeed hell! BUT, love the new place (even though I never saw Satan’s den). Bless Mandy and Bjorn, reef, Dado and those other two slaves… um, darlings. May this be your next-to-last move (one more move into your dream home when riches start falling). Love you and all the tales At Fran’s Table.

    • You are a doll Linda. Once I fix it up it will look really cute, if the windows don’t fall apart or we don’t crash through the steps outside first. I will call soon.

  5. Darling Fran, as far as I’m concerned – the best move you’ve made is moving back here – to Glendale. When you moved to PA it occurred to me that I was going to really miss you and that I had not been the friend to you that I would have liked to be. So doing something as simple as packing, loading and unloading a few possessions, but still having you near by, was an easy decision to make. I know we only made a small dent to the work required to relocate and I still have to find out how you all moved that piano!! You’re amazing! We love you, your great kids, their wonderful friends and that adorable corgi, M & B

  6. You’ve been in my prayers Fran. Moving DOES suck, been there done that, but NOT as much as you have recently! This too shall pass. Please don’t forget everyone, prayers for my Christi, (my cat). Her operation is this Thursday. Pray for a very successful operation & that whatever they find is benign. Gotta have my buddy around for a LONG, healthy life!!

  7. I truly love reading about your growing up in New Brighton, Pa. You make me laugh and the recipes sound so good- thank you,Fran, you are the Best! I am going to visit Jane on Tues. with my cousin Becky- staying until Sunday afternoon. So looking forward to the warm sunshine!!! Love you, JoAnn

    Sent from my iPad


    • Hi Joann,
      So glad you are enjoying the blog and even more glad you get a kick out of my madness. There are many more to come! Have a great trip and give Jane and Becky a jug (oops, I meant hug) from me.

  8. Fran, we’ve made six moves over the years, two of them cross country. Without a doubt, it has been like going to hell and back, almost every time. They’re so stressful and it’s never without complications. I think there comes a time when one needs to pack it in for the long haul, and hang a shingle that says: “I ain’t movin’ no more!”

    • Oh Jerry, I love that idea of never moving again, truly I do. I am looking forward to my last move, into a place I own!!!!! Let’s hope it happens soon. Thanks for reading!

  9. I agree moving is the worse and having people not show up sooo aggravating ! Hang in there- thinking about you, hope things improve and you will be settled once again- send your new address ! Love, JoAnn

    Sent from my iPad


    • Yeah, you would know, you just did it too. I am astounded at all the crap I still have. I thought I got rid of most of it, but boxes don’t lie. I am working feverishly to get rid of them and get this place ready. I guess it’s good for weight loss.

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