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Judging Others — What’s That Say About Me?

August 14, 2018

I admit it, I am a judging judger.

I try not to judge people, but there are people who you instantly click with and people you don’t.  Some people I instantly make decisions about, based on what they wear, how they speak, how many nose rings, tattoos or piercings they have, or what their political party is.  It’s not good.

I never thought about it much, until I watched a video called, What Judging Others Says about Yourself on Well Being Trust website. Click on the link and scroll down and you’ll see the video. It’s 9:43 seconds long, but worth it.

Well Being Trust is a national foundation dedicated to advancing the mental, social and spiritual health of the nation.  I write commercials for them at my job, and today I took the time to watch this video, put out by one of their self love and wellness advocates, Sarah Sapora. It was one of those moments where I felt as though someone just slapped me into snapping out of it, like Loretta did to Ronny Cammareri in Moonstruck  If you watch the clip at 1:09, you’ll see the infamous slap. God, I still love that movie!

Carolyn and Fran

Us, during our college years. She is on the left, I am the smart ass on the right trying to make her uncomfortable.

It made me think of my wonderful friend, Carolyn Riley, one of the kindest, least judgmental people I know.  When we were in high school, I was always amazed that everyone who talked about Carolyn, would say she was their best friend. This totally stunned me because I knew I was her best friend!

But what people responded to was being treated kindly, being listened to, and not being judged. Cool, or dorky, skinny or fat, popular or not popular, smart aleck (that would be me) or not,  none of that mattered to her.

She’s organizing our high school reunion this Labor Day weekend, and is still as kind as she always was. She genuinely wants everyone to come and people are responding to her kindness. Every time I’m around her I learn to be a little nicer. If we both live to be 300, maybe I’ll get a little closer to her level, but it’s a lofty goal.

I really took to heart everything in this video and it made me seriously reconsider a lot of the judging I’ve been guilty of over the years, in terms of what it says about me.

Maybe you judge others because you want to feel better about yourself. Or maybe you judge people because you fear you share some of their perceived faults. Thinking about the fact that my judgment reflects as much on me as it does on them was pretty eye-opening.

It’s very Christ-like, this whole non-judgmental thing. Jesus wasn’t in the corner making snarky remarks about the prostitutes and the outcasts, he was right there accepting them, talking to them, treating them as equals, and learning from them. Maybe if enough people hear this message by Sarah Sapora, there’s a chance we could all reach that kind of enlightenment. Wouldn’t that be great?

  • Reply
    August 17, 2018 at 7:52 am

    Love this, Fran. And I will go further to say it also means to stop judging yourself in the process. I think they go hand in hand. When we can stop judging ourselves in that same fear, it starts to fall away the more we look at everyone else. Thanks for always sharing your beauty and love with us, Fran. You make our worlds a brighter place.

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 19, 2018 at 11:22 am

      You are so right Nicol, and I am so guilty of that it’s ridiculous! Judging does no one, including yourself, any good at all, unless you’re in judge’s robes, and I’ll bet more than a few of them have made mistakes. Love you Nicol!!!

  • Reply
    August 15, 2018 at 9:08 am

    This is a great post, Fran. We’d all do well to take a look at ourselves and our attitudes, and what we bring to the table. I catch myself making instant assumptions about people and I have to constantly remind my judgmental self that I’m not exactly a cookie jar of perfection myself and that I should have a much more gracious outlook. Thanks for the reminder! This is a fabulous bit of awareness!

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 15, 2018 at 11:27 pm

      Thanks Leslie, it is quite the moment when you realize you’ve been judging people out of fear you’re just like them or afraid you’re like them, etc. Thanks for taking the time to write such sweet words! xo

  • Reply
    Peggy Romestan
    August 14, 2018 at 4:57 pm

    Fran, you know I loved this post. Thanks for making Carrie a celebrity!

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 14, 2018 at 9:59 pm

      You are welcome Peggy. She is one of my absolute favorite people ever. I wish I could be more like her. Hopefully, she has 300 years to work with me.

  • Reply
    Jeremiah/Jerry Kitchel
    August 14, 2018 at 9:34 am

    This is really good, Francesca! Your message is right on the mark….love it. Jerry

    On Tue, Aug 14, 2018 at 5:16 AM, At Fran’s Table wrote:

    > Fran Tunno posted: “I admit it, I am a judging judger. I try not to judge > people, but there are people who you instantly click with and people you > don’t. Some people I instantly make decisions about, based on what they > wear, how they speak, or how many nose rings, tattoos ” >

    • Reply
      Fran Tunno
      August 14, 2018 at 9:57 pm

      Thanks Jerry. I honestly was really taken aback by the video and wanted other people to get the message. I hope they do.

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