Plenty of Fish? We’ll see.

I’ve been fishing this week. Figuratively and literally, and here’s what I know. I don’t like fishing, but I do like fish and that pretty much sums up my life right now.

I finally went to another, less expensive dating website called Plenty of Fish, put pictures up, and coughed up the 38 bucks for two months of torment. (I know, I know, that’s not a good attitude.) Continue reading

I am a Big Fat Liar

Who doesn't love an accordion-playing skeleton? I have two of these, one is named Bernie and one Bob for my brothers.

What I see when I look at my photos! (Actually, I love this accordion-playing skeleton. I have two — one is named Bernie and one Bob, for my accordion-playing brothers.

I had every intention of posting a picture on Match.com. Really I did. Then I looked at the pictures my daughter took of me yesterday when I was feeling brave, with a blow dryer and mascara wand standing by,  and I have to tell you, it sobered me right up. Continue reading

Who Loves You, Comes After You

edited heart magnet

My heart. It’s healed now and happy, why mess with it?

It’s been more than five years since I got divorced.  People keep telling me I should start dating, but come on, what’s the rush?

I know my friends and family are telling me I’m not getting any younger. And I know they’re right, because any time I accidentally open the camera on my phone, and it’s on my face, I recoil in horror, as though I’ve just seen a bloody, dismembered limb. Continue reading

How My Italian Mom Weeded Out Prospective Suitors

It’s no surprise that I was 32 when I married. Frankly, I’m amazed I was that young because my mom had a way of winnowing out the weaker prospects pretty quickly.

Any  suitor who visited had to be warned about her because her childlike frankness left people stunned. To protect myself, I sat at the table with her, laughing too loud so whomever she was talking to knew she was kidding (she wasn’t). This rarely worked and made me look like a nervous hyena. Continue reading